5 Warning Signs of a Toxic Friendship (For Teens)

A toxic friendship consistently leaves you feeling drained, anxious, or like you can't be yourself. Warning signs include one-sided support, resenting your success, gossip, gaslighting, and pressure to compromise your values.

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Knowing who your true friends are is one of the most important — and honestly, most confusing — parts of being a teenager. You're all figuring out who you are at the same time, which means friendships can get messy fast.

So how do you know if what you're experiencing is a normal rough patch or something more toxic? Here are five warning signs to watch for.

1. You Feel Emotionally Drained

   Toxic friendships tend to be one-sided. This means only one person is really getting their needs met, and it's usually not you.
   
   This can show up in a lot of ways. Maybe they only reach out when they're in crisis, but go quiet when you need support. Maybe conversations always circle back to them, and somehow you never quite get to finish your own story. Maybe they seem interested for a second, but the focus shifts back before you've said what you actually needed to say.
   
   They don't know how to share attention— and they may not know how to show up for you the way you show up for them. If hanging out with someone leaves you more exhausted than energized, that's worth paying attention to.
   

2. You Don't Want to Share Good News With Them

   Think about the last time something really great happened to you — a good grade, a new relationship, getting into a program you worked hard for. Who did you want to tell first?

   
   If your friend isn't on that list, that's a sign.

   
   It's completely normal to want to share good news with the people you're close to. But some friendships have a weird dynamic where the other person admires you and resents you at the same time. If you've noticed your friend getting cold, dismissive, or weirdly competitive when things go well for you — that's a red flag. Your friends should genuinely want good things for you, even on days when things aren't going great for them.
   

3. They Talk Badly About Others — But Act Nice to Their Face

   Here's the thing about a friend who gossips: if they're talking about other people to you, they're talking about you to other people. Full stop.

   
   It can feel like being in on the secret means you're safe. But that's not how it works. If they'll say something behind someone's back and then act completely normal to their face, you're not exempt from that treatment.

   
   And if they get caught — in a lie, in the gossip, in whatever it is — watch how they handle it. If their go-to response is "I was just kidding" or turning it around on you for being too sensitive, that's dismissiveness. That's not a healthy friendship.
   

4. You Find Yourself Questioning Your Own Reality

   Healthy friendships make you feel more like yourself, not less. If you're constantly second-guessing your thoughts, your memory, your feelings, or your values — that's a sign something's off.
   

   You might be experiencing gaslighting. It's what happens when someone feels caught or called out and instead of owning it, they deflect — making you question whether what you experienced was even real. It can be subtle, but it's incredibly disorienting, especially when it's coming from someone you trust.

   
   A real friend will call you out when you need it. But they'll never make you feel like your reality isn't valid. If you've lost touch with what your gut is actually telling you, this intuition exercise can help you find it again.
   

5. You Find Yourself Being Someone You're Not

   It's normal to try new things because of your friends — that's actually part of how you figure out who you are. But there's a difference between expanding your comfort zone and compromising your integrity.
   

   If you regularly find yourself in situations that don't feel right, doing things that go against your values, or staying quiet about something that matters to you just to keep the peace — that's worth looking at. A healthy friend might suggest something that pushes you a little, but they would never pressure you into something that makes you genuinely uncomfortable, and they would never put you in a dangerous situation.
   

   If you often leave interactions feeling like you left a little piece of yourself behind, that friendship deserves a closer look.

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Recognizing these signs is the first step. If you're navigating a tough friendship and need support, Your Calm Code gives you the DBT-informed tools to trust yourself, set boundaries, and figure out what you actually want from your relationships.

Read this next: Toxic vs. Healthy Friendships: What's the Difference?

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