Promoting Positive Teen Decision-Making

Teens tend to think they know *everything* #AmIRight!?

Image: Pexels

Warning-  I'm about to nerd out for a hot second...

In developmental psychology, we talk about a process called Individuation. This is the time period where children begin to separate their identity less and less from their parents/families and more and more towards their peer group. This is totally normal, and actually pretty healthy.

The Problem

The problem occurs when what teens think is best doesn't match up with what we know is best. After all, we were all teens once too!

Because teens are going through this Individuation phase, if you try to tell them what is best, they tend to tune us out and resist- even if they agree. It can be soooooo frustrating!!!!

The Solution

Involve your teen in decision making. 

Want your teen to be more organized about completing their homework? Ask them what strategies they've already tried and what they think could help.

Want your teen to eat more healthy? Ask them to choose from a list of healthy meal/snack ideas and invite them to be part of the cooking and/or food-shopping process.

You may be pleasantly surprised by some of the plans and decisions they come up with! Whatever you do, please, please, please resist the urge to tell them your strategies first!

After they've shared their ideas with you, then you can share your experiences and strategies. I suggest using the following phrasing as a template "You know when I've struggled with xyz I found 123 to be helpful"

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Want even more positive influences in your teen's life? Teen Girls Therapy Group is enrolling a new group of motivated girls on Wednesdays at 4:30pm starting this winter!

If you want to secure your teen's spot- complete your complimentary 15-min parent phone screening at 203-228-8971 or completing the contact form here.

Guest Post: 5 Strategies for Getting Things Done When You're Depressed by Marcus Clarke (psysci)

Depression is a serious illness that affects physical, emotional and mental health. It can be incredibly difficult to maintain a regular routine when you are dealing with depressive symptoms including anxiety, stress, disrupted eating patterns and sleepless nights – to name just a few. This makes it very difficult to function and get things done that cannot be put off for later. Luckily, today’s modern world provides access to new information and research with insight into dealing with depression. The following list provides 5 useful strategies for getting things done when you’re depressed.

1. Prioritize

Draw up a list of relevant priorities that must be completed. These priorities must be feasible, and should include tasks and activities that cannot be put aside. This will allow you to set aside non-essential activities that could overwhelm you and cause further anxiety, while still ensuring that important things get done. This list provides great tips on how to prioritize. Don’t be afraid to talk to your employers about your condition. Let them know what you are going through and talk to them about work priorities – there might be work priorities for which deadlines can be extended to take some weight off your shoulders. Prioritizing will help you distinguish between essential and non-essential tasks that must be completed, while also serving as a motivation to get up each morning to complete the most important tasks.

2. Find a support group

Having a support group to help you through difficult times can make a huge difference to your mental and emotional states. This support group could include health professionals such as nurses and your psychologist, friends and family who understand your condition and are willing to support you and recovery groups with people who can relate to what you are experiencing. Share your goals and recovery journey with those who support you – this will help them keep you accountable and will allow them to support you in meaningful ways. Finding a support group will also allow you to delegate smaller responsibilities to those who are willing to help out, in turn allowing you to focus on getting better and taking care of yourself until you are on a road to recovery and feel strengthened.

3. Be patient with yourself

Depression often leads to emotional distress that can leave you with mixed feelings of anger, guilt and fear. Getting things done when you’re depressed is even more difficult when you are putting more pressure on yourself. Being too hard on yourself can have detrimental effects, while labelling yourself as being unproductive or lazy when something doesn’t get done serves to complicate matters further. Look at your list of priorities again and remind yourself that handling the most important priorities is more than enough. Build up your self-confidence by speaking positive words and encouraging yourself.

4. Stay away from social media

Social media can become a vortex that overwhelms you with feelings of insecurity, jealousy and a fear of missing out. Social media platforms often depict fake lifestyles in which everybody seems to be happy, healthy and carefree all the time. Turn off the social media and focus on encouraging yourself with positive words and small rewards when you achieve your goals. A system of rewards for completed tasks can help motivate you to meet the daily or weekly priorities that you have set out. If you can’t see yourself giving up social media right away, try to limit your time on social media and be aware of why social networking can be bad for your mental health. If you are feeling lonely and need social interaction, consider turning to your support group for company that will provide a positive influence and good encouragement.

5. Establish healthy habits

Establishing a regular sleeping pattern can help overcome symptoms of sleeplessness, insomnia and irregular sleeping patterns that are often experienced with depression. Natural supplements such as B12 vitamins can be taken to boost the immune system, while a healthy diet that avoids saturated fats, sugars and unhealthy oils can lessen the effects of depressive symptoms such as fatigue, loss of appetite and mood swings. Aerobic exercises such as walking, jogging and yoga can help clear the mind while aiding the body to gentle physical recovery.

In conclusion, these 5 strategies of prioritizing tasks, finding a solid support group, exercising patience, limiting time spent on social media and implementing healthier habits can have a positive influence in getting things done when you’re depressed. These strategies are interdependent and by making use of the strategies simultaneously, you will find that the symptoms of depression lessen considerably.

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Marcus has a degree in psychology, a master’s degree in health psychology and has worked within the NHS as well as private organisations. Marcus started psysci a psychology and science blog in order to disseminate research into bitesize, meaningful and helpful resources.

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Mini-Disclaimer: The content contained in this post solely reflect the personal opinions of the author and doesn't necessarily represent the official position of Mallory Grimste, LCSW. Regarding content referring to diet and exercise, or other suggestions, you should consult your primary care physician or other professional providers

Guest Post: Six Ways To Start Relaxing, Right Now And Without Anybody Knowing - guest blog by Sarah Jones (Relax Everyday)

With the constant hustle and bustle of twenty-first century life, it seems almost impossible to slow down and catch your breath, from school assignments and learning to drive to the ever-increasing homework load. And don’t forget to call Jessica. But while the time never really seems right to stop and take the time to replenish our own stores, this is vital to our wellbeing.

The benefits of taking a much deserved me time are endless, some of the most prominent ones include a decreased tendency towards impatience and negative mood. Better sleep, higher ability to concentrate, greater mental vigor and a reduction in depression. Furthermore, physical health benefits include a bolstered immune system, lower likelihood of headaches and a lowered chance of obesity.

Number One: Grab the Chocolate

While you may have been imagining an Aero, dark chocolate is actually what we are after here. Dark chocolate has been proven to aid in the stabilization and reduction in the stress hormone cortisol and it also helps maintain your metabolism, but you only need one block according to the Nestle Research Centre in Switzerland.

Number Two: Loosen up (and loosen your jaw) with Gum

Blow bubbles, not with a bubble wand but with chewing gum. In accordance with a study from Swinburne University, participants who chewed gum had better mental energy and a lowered state of nervousness, stress, and also had less cortisol within the saliva. So next time you need to improve the moment, maybe reach for a stick of chewing gum and lower your stress levels, while working on your smile.

Number Three: Just breathe

While breathing may not be the first thing that comes to mind, experts have found that when people stopped and focused on taking deliberate breaths, not only did their heart rates drop but their blood pressure and total cortisol levels fell considerably too.

Tehran University of Medical Sciences reported a study in which female university students who engaged in progressive relaxation, the tensing and relaxing of one muscle within the body before moving onto the next, had far lower instances of stress and reported an enhanced vigor for life.

Number Four: Shut Your Eyes

A study out of the University of Edinburgh found that individuals, who went into a dark room for a period of ten minutes after being shown new information, had far better ability to recall that information than those who had not had a period rest. This is especially crucial for students, as the study found that those who slept better and took the necessary rest periods performed better on memory tests.

What this means is if you shut your eyes and take a couple deep breaths, for just a few minutes after absorbing new information, whether that be from school or a conversation with someone, you will be able to remember the event in much greater detail and will be more able to recall the information for longer periods of time.

Number Five: Start Daydreaming

Or more specifically engage in creative visualization, this process in which you mentally view your life or your dreams occurring, or where you visualize things that make you feel happy, are said to have an immediate boost on your overall emotional state.

There is evidence out of the medical world that those who think more positively about life have healthier bodies, since their bodies release neuropeptides, which are neurotransmitters that relay messages to the entire body, they help to lower the instances of stress within the human body and enhance the immune system’s ability to fight against illness.

Number Six: Indulge in a massage or two

A study out of the Journal of Medical Investigations, found that when participants were given a hand massage they had significant reductions in stress, heart rate, became more open to developing a bond with the person who was giving them the massage and entered a state of relaxation within the nervous system. In order to do this discreetly, simply give yourself one while sitting at your desk or at lunch.

Another great way to aid your spirits is to get outside. Sunlight has been shown to enhance vitality, reduce depressive symptoms and stress, while getting in that much needed vitamin D. Another way to escape the daily dramas of life, is to find a space where you feel calm, this can be a special area at home decorated with a ton of photos and memorabilia or just under a certain tree in the park with a good picnic site.

"Me Time"

In short, there is no need to feel stressed out anymore, so go out and indulge in your, “me time”, because you deserve it. Stop, slow down and focus on your breathing, count backwards from ten and if all of that feels like too much to bear, there is always the option of a square of dark chocolate. Why not have a more relaxing day today?

Bio: Sarah is the author of Relax Everyday, where she shares her knowledge of relaxation, massage, and essential oils. By spreading this information, she hopes to help more people achieve a healthy and balanced mind.

Guest Post: How to Be Social Without Letting Anxiety Overtake You - guest blog by Cassie (eHealthinformer)

If you suffer from anxiety, you are probably all too familiar with the way it constrains your life. What seems second nature to others can be a monumental challenge for you, which might lead you to try and entirely avoid certain situations.

This can make activities meant to be enjoyed turn into a burden, as your anxiety or the threat of panic attacks keeps you from being comfortable. For many, this aversion has its most profound effects in their social lives.  The fear of being judged, criticized or rejected leads them to hesitate to engage in simple social interactions, such as holding conversations, attending school or going to group gatherings. This can be a particularly big challenge for teens who are tying to find themselves in a world that sends so many different messages about what we should be.

However, just because social interaction makes you uneasy doesn’t mean you don’t want to do it; it simply means you might have to work a little harder to socialize without letting your anxiety overtake you.

Here are some tips that can help.

Set Goals

The first step to making an improvement is to understand what you hope to achieve. Start by asking yourself questions such as: What do I want to accomplish? How am I going to accomplish it? Is there a timeframe for reaching this goal?

Even if you don’t complete all of your goals or work on them immediately, writing them down will be helpful. Defining what it is you want to do, as well as looking back on your notes regularly, makes it easier to stay motivated.

Start small—the confidence you will gain from making even tiny steps forward will empower you to go further. Too often we overextend expectations of ourselves due to our anxiety, and this can make us less comfortable around others and more vulnerable to disappointment, which damages confidence and hinders progress.

Create a plan for yourself by writing a to-do list in a weekly planner. Open it daily and try to accomplish the goals you have set for yourself each day. Check each task you’ve accomplished off the list at the end of the day, and don’t be afraid to reward yourself for your effort, even if you don’t meet all of your goals.

Take Things One Step at a Time

Taking things one step at is crucial with anxiety. Attempts at drastic change can backfire since bad experiences can hurt and make trying again even scarier.

If you find yourself struggling to work towards daily goals, try reducing the pressure on yourself by instead focusing on a few weekly goals. Remember, a small step forward is still progress. Over time, these tiny changes will result in dramatic improvement.

Don’t forget to step outside of your comfort zone, but refrain from avoiding social situations when you’re anxious—pushing yourself when you’re just not feeling it will only make things worse.

Chat Online or Through Text

Chatting online or through text reduces some of the stress around social interactions and can often be a good way for you to be yourself with others.  Because of this, it’s a good place to start socializing with your friends or classmates. Spelling mistakes, hacked accounts and a lack of etiquette are all pretty common online, so there’s no need to be worried or embarrassed about any mishaps.

You also don’t have to face anyone in person, which removes many of the potential anxiety triggers you might typically experience. Social media makes it easier to connect with people. Browse through groups or forums to join, or if you can’t find one you like, start one of your own. Teenagers already do this incessantly, so it shouldn’t be a big challenge to get them to try it out. Consider using a secure network if you’re worried about what your teenager might be doing online.

Meditate Before Leaving Home

Meditation is a great way to de-stress, and it can have a positive effect on those with social anxiety. Regularly meditating will help you quiet any negative thoughts you might have, and when used in combination with affirmations, you’ll quickly find yourself thinking more optimistically about both yourself and the world around you.

Before you enter a social arena, even if it's just a store or you’re going to class, meditate for at least 10 minutes. You can find a lot of guided meditation videos on YouTube for free, and if you download the YouTube app, you can begin listening to them anywhere you go.

Eventually, you’ll be able to easily meditate without guided meditation recordings, bringing you to a relaxed state of mind more quickly. This will allow you to approach situations without the usual flood of unsettling thoughts associated with socializing.

Redefine Your Standards

A common struggle for teens with social anxiety is the concern they’re doing something incorrectly or are somehow humiliating themselves. Anxious thought patterns cause them to set specific standards for themselves, which can be overwhelming to maintain and often more detrimental than helpful.

Because of this, redefining your standards is crucial. How can anyone expect to communicate without anxiety overtaking them when they are subconsciously criticizing and eating away at their own self-esteem while socializing? Accepting yourself, your manner of communicating and your imperfections will determine your success.

Confidence can help you avoid anxiety when socializing, and sometimes it’s necessary to act confident before you even truly feel that way. Don’t be afraid to answer questions with whatever comes to mind instead of stopping to re-think what you’re saying; there is no “right” answer, and you’ll notice there is nothing wrong with how you communicate and that people respond better to your more candid way of interacting.

By practicing self-acceptance, redefining personal standards, meditating as needed and taking small steps towards your goals, you’ll soon notice how socializing isn’t so hard after all. This isn’t to say that overnight you’ll turn into a social butterfly, but rather with some focus and attention to who you are, there is no need to fear being social.

Do you have any advice for others who are struggling with social anxiety? Have you found anything that has helped you socialize without anxiety overtaking you? Let us know in the comments below.

About the Author: Cassie is a health and wellness blogger who struggled with social anxiety as a teenager. It wasn’t until she began therapy and found Dr. Elaine Aron’s book, “The Highly Sensitive Person,” that she began to understand how to effectively manage her condition and live a more fulfilling life. She now works to spread awareness about ways to overcome social anxiety so that people can be more comfortable with themselves.

Seven Ways for Teen Girls to Manage Strong Emotions [Podcast Interview]

On April 18, 2017, my first Podcast interview went LIVE! As a huge Podcast nerd, I admit I was totally ***FREAKING OUT*** when Nicole Burgess of the Launching Your Daughter podcast asked me to be a guest.

If you haven't already checked out Launching Your Daughter I urge to go ahead and binge-listen to all the episodes now! She offers so many good ideas and strategies for parents and caretakers with Teen Girls to help them through this awkward time. 

In my episode (#51) I talk about my love DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and how the acronym IMPROVE offers just 7 ways teen girls can manage strong emotions. Be sure to listen to the whole episode for a free offering from me to listeners of the show.

http://nicolecburgess.com/podcast/ep-51-seven-ways-teen-girls-manage-emotions/

Looking for more information about how to use IMPROVE the Moment Skills?

FAQs about Teen Girl Therapy Group

Who is this group for?

Teen girls struggling with depression, anxiety or low self-esteem.

Who is this group not for?

Violent, aggressive, or substance abusing teens. Teens dealing with problem sexual behaviors may also not be appropriate for this group.

What will this group consist of?

Weekly activities and discussions related to improving self-compassion, healthy coping skills, and managing difficult emotions. Teens will also learn how to express themselves in healthier ways. Overall, teens will learn how to feel better about their relationships with others, and with themselves.

What is the Investment?

All New Clients must complete a Parent Phone Screening (15min - free) and a Face-to-Face New Client Assessment (45-60min - $150) prior to being admitted to group. Group will run for 60-min each week and cost $50/session. For those committed to a Full Term of group (Three Months or approximately 12 sessions), they will be able to enroll in monthly autopay at a cost of $175 per month (approximately $25 savings per month).

PS- A quick note about insurance and diagnosis
Teen Girls Therapy Group is meant to be a psycho-educational group and will not require a mental health diagnosis as outlined by the American Psychiatric Association. However, if clients wish to use their insurance's out-of-network benefits for reimbursement, a mental health diagnosis will be required for that process.

I do not accept payment from insurance directly but am able to assist Parents in submitting appropriate documentation for possible reimbursement by either providing an Insurance Super Bill they can mail to their insurance or submitting this information electronically on their behalf at no extra cost. Clients are responsible for checking their insurance eligibility for out-of-network benefits and seeing if they qualify for reimbursement of group sessions.

You can also use Better - an app that helps patients who pay out-of-pocket to get reimbursed by their health insurance. After each visit, simply submit the superbill you receive via the Better app. They work with your insurance to get you reimbursed.

11 Subtle Signs of OCD that Everyone Should Know [Bustle]

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (commonly referred to as OCD for short) can be a confusing disorder for those who don't understand it. This condition can be really stressful and overwhelming for those living with OCD.

Mallory, along with some other mental health experts, share 11 subtle signs of OCD everyone should know on Bustle. (Check out #7 for Mallory's contribution).

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If you, or someone you know believes they may be suffering from OCD, you should seek help from a Licensed Mental Health Professional.

How (Sincere) Compliments Can Help You Connect with Others [GoodTherapy]

For many people in therapy, forming connections with others is difficult. In my latest Good Therapy Topic Expert blog, I share four tips plus some additional skills from a DBT skills module can help you get the most out of compliments.

Click the image to go to the article on GoodTherapy.org

7 Ways You Can IMPROVE the Moment (When Things Just Suck!)

"Just get over it, already!" 

UGH! Who else hates it when someone tells you these 5 little word!?!? I know I can't be the only one. It can be so invalidating when someone tells you to just stop doing, feeling or experiencing something- especially when it feels so important to you. 

However, as much as it pains me to admit this, sometimes it's just not healthy to stay feeling miserable, overwhelmed, angry, and/or stressed out. It is really easy to stay stuck on the what things should be versus the way things are. (Note: This is not to say you aren't still correct in your assessment of how things should be). I have found that just because something or someone should be a certain way, doesn't mean they always are and that this is often out of my control.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) outlines 7 ways you can improve the moment when things aren't they way they should be. I have found these skills super helpful not only in helping my clients, but even my own mindset during these times. To remember these skills, DBT suggests using the acronym IMPROVE:

Imagery

By visualizing pleasant outcomes, using your own imagination, or completing a guided imagery, you can improve the experience you are having. A favorite strategy amongst therapist is to think about a calm, safe place where nothing bad has ever happened, can happen, or will happen. (Like the penguin ice cave Tyler Durden thinks of in Fight Club)

Meaning

Ask why is this happening? What is the purpose? Sometimes by understanding the answers to these questions, we are better able to empathize with the way things are, rather than the way they should be.

Prayer

Connecting or reflecting spiritually within your beliefs can be helpful during these times as well. If you are part of a religious or spiritual community, you can reach out to those people for support. You can also journal, meditate, or perform some other spiritual rituals/practices you find calming.

Relaxation

Take a nap, book a massage, go to the beach, or indulge in another relaxing activity.

One Thing in the Moment

Focus on one sense (sight, sound, taste, touch or smell) or one task. By focusing on one thing at a time, we end up being more productive, and less stressed overall.

Vacation

Taking an actual, literal vacation can be awesome if you have the money and time to do so! However, for those who aren't able to book a flight to an island on a whim, you can take a mental vacation by reading a book or watching a movie. You can also create a vision board or a Pinterest board dedicated to Vacation Planning.

Encouragement

Read inspirational quotes. Talk kindly to yourself. I often post inspiring and motivational quotes on Instagram (Follow me @mallorygrimste).

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FREE BONUS: Get the COMPLETE list of IMPROVE skills in one easy to download printable PDF

How to Host a Galentine's Day Celebration!

Celebrate positive female friendships by hosting your own Galentine's Day! Not sure what that is or how to do it? Click the picture to head over to The Lady Project Blog where I've outlined all the steps: